HUMOUR Bêtes !

En Angleterre comme ailleurs, les animaux, nos meilleurs compagnons, nos plus fidèles ennemis, sont souvent au centre d'histoires loufoques, parfois d'ailleurs très drôles mais bien involontairement de leur part.

Heureusement que les alligators australiens ne savent pas écrire ...


1 "Why does an ostrich have such a long neck ?", asked the teacher.
"Because its head is a long way from its body,' replied Simon.

2 "Did you catch that big fish all by yourself ?" asked the fisherman.
"No," replied the little girl. "A little worm helped me."
3 Two dogs were walking along a street where parking meters had just been installed.
"Look !" said one of the dogs. "Pay toilets !"

4 A fly was walking with his son on the head of a bald man.
"When I was your age," he said to him, "this was only a footpath."
5 "Edward," said the teacher angrily, "your essay on 'My Dog' is word for word the same as your borther's."
"Yes, Sir," said Edward. "It's the same dog !"

6 "I've lost my dog," said one little boy.
"Well, put an advertissement in the local newspaper," said his friend.
"Don't be silly," said the first. "He can't read !"
7 A little girl was telling her grandfather about her visit to the zoo.
"I saw elephants," she said."And they were picking up peanuts with their vacuum-cleaners."

8 "Waiter, there is a worm on my plate !"
"That is your sausage, Sir."
9 One day a baby mouse saw a bat and ran home to tell her mother that she had seen an angel !

10 A fisherman watched a little boy putting a dead mouse on his hook.
"What are you fishing for ?", he asked.
"Catfish," said the boy.
11 "Would you like to play with my new dog ?" asked Johnny.
"He looks very fierce," said Sandra. "Does he bite ?"
"I don't know," said Johnny. "That's what I want to find out."

12 "What does a cat has that no other animal has ?" asked the teacher.
"Kittens," replied little Billy.
13 "What's your new dog's name ?" asked the little girl.
"I don't know," replied her friend. "He won't tell me !"

14 A cat and her five kittens found themselves face to face with a big dog. 
The cat started barking furiously and scared the dog away. Then she turned to her kittens and said : 
- " You see how important it is to know a second language !"

ou encore ...

  I had a whale of a time ! 


Did you ? Oh, that's very well !

Whale2   Whale1


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© BP / PECAS - Octobre 2004
page complétée en juillet 2005