Faire des blagues ("jokes") sur ses maîtres et responsables
politiques est une tradition presque aussi vieille que notre civilisation. Très
tôt sont apparus à la court du Roi le "jester" avec ses
jongleries, bons mots et autres tours, et le "joker" avec ses
blagues et farces. Ils pouvaient se permettre de dire, avec humour, aux
puissants et au roi certaines vérités que personne n'aurait osé énoncer à
haute voix sous peine d'y perdre sa liberté, voire même la tête !
Le palais de Buckingham n'a plus de "joker" officiel, mais les blagues sur la Reine et ses ministres continuent d'être inventées au quotidien pour la santé mentale de tous (elles déchargent de certaines tensions...). Leur lieux d'expression sont les pubs, la presse populaire, la télévision, la radio et Internet.
Alors, Long live the Queen ! ... et ses jokers.
Petit quiproquo excellent.
|2||GLOBAL ECONOMICS DEMYSTIFIED
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
|3||Le Président Bill CLINTON se promenait un week-end incognito
avec sa femme dans l'Arkansas profond (avant l'affaire "Monica"
!). Ayant besoin de faire le plein du réservoir de la voiture, il s'arrête
dans une station service isolée et délabrée.
A sa grande surprise, pendant qu'il s'occupe de la voiture, il aperçoit Hillary riant à gorge déployée en grande conversation avec le pompiste crasseux et mal rasé.
Lorsqu'ils eurent repris la route, il lui demanda des explications, et elle lui dit que c'était un de ses anciens boy-friends de l'université.
Bill : Eh bien, heureusement que tu m'as épousé moi, autrement tu serais femme de pompiste.
Hillary : Ah non, dans ce cas là, il serait Président des Etats-Unis, et TU serais pompiste !
Axis of Evil
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
|5||Un député britannique demandait un jour à Winston Churchill
quelques conseils :
- " Can you tell me how I could have put more fire in my speech ?"
Et l'ancien Premier Ministre de lui répondre :
- " What you should have done is to have put your speech into the fire."
|6||Le même Winston Churchill (à qui l'on prête beaucoup de bons mots)
aurait également déclaré un jour :
"In Great Britain, governments often change their policies without changing their men. In France, they usually change their men without changing their policy."
|7||Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office at the White House and sees the
President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr President ?" the Vice-President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time !" the President beamed.
"How long did it take you ?"
"Well, just over a month, and the box said '3 to 5 years' !"
|8||What Are Politics?
A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"
His dad replies : " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."
So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his daiper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad I know what you mean now."
"You do? Tell me."
"OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"
© BP / PECAS - Octobre 2004
page complétée en juillet 2005